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190907
It’s 12 AM and I’ve only just begun my day. I just tuned in to 580 AM, where the conservative talk show hosts live. I’d almost rather wake them up and hear what gibberish they’d have to say in their Ambien-like state would have to say. It’d likely speak for itself. And perhaps we’d get a little more truth out of em’. But this, what the ACTUAL fuck…they’re talking about fucking vampires, man. No, not like some sexy porn flick. This is much dirtier and grimier than that. I’ve just poured my first beer of the day, and I’m in no way drunk enough for this shit. People are calling in and saying they’ve been around for centuries. They’re calling in to say they wish they had a normal life like the rest of us. They’re calling out the fakes, and those giving a bad name to the REAL vampires of the world, notably American Vampires in particular. They wish they didn’t have to drink the blood of their victims, although many sacrificed themselves, so they could FEAL the power. There seemed to be a certain fetish among the victims, that they enjoyed having their neck bitten into and having the blood sucked out of them. But as far as I could tell, these were middle-aged white males phoning in, and the calls were a bit noisy. It was as if the reception in their Mom’s basement was giving out, but what was I to expect at 12 AM. This was the same channel who hosted conservative talk show hosts, after all.

190908
You want to talk about some real investigative journalism – try re-tracking my steps from a Saturday night. What a ride! It appears I had been pulled over. It wasn’t Jesus who grabbed the while, or I’d be pretty fucked. No, instead it was the unknown bastard. And thank God for that. The last I remembered was that I was trying to wave on the officer forward. I saw the guy he was REALLY after, and he’d just turned the corner, and would soon be out of reach. He’ll think he’s safe, I thought. A little bait and switch action. Much like my Tinder date from Friday. But I was far too horny to give a damn. But as it turned out, the officer had found his man. The unknown bastard took off in some sort of UFO and left me to battle my own demons like he always does. Perhaps I’d get the MIB treatment. This had already been a rough weekend, so I was braced for the TRULY unknown to happen. Judging from the last two entries in my journal, I knew I was in for one hell of a trip. I was all packed and ready to go. But something told me I wasn’t quite ready for what was waiting for me around the corner. This would be life-changing, I thought. And not the kind where you wake up in a holding cell, wondering who the strange, repugnant man resting on your shoulder was. No. But the kind where you wake up in St. Peter’s waiting area with all the latest magazines (not those outdated over overrated ones in your Doctors’ office), wondering if you’d be sent through the gates of heaven, shackled, and shuffled towards the gates of hell, or sent shockingly back to earth with no explanation of how you got there or if you’d ever be back to that particular moment in time. You begin to realize that you begin to fear life more than death. For death is merely predictable, but there’s really no telling what your life will be like. Especially after a trip such as this…and what a strange trip it would be.